I would like to think that I have a pretty good grasp on how others may perceive me, and I can think of a few things I have been described as lately. I have always been known as 'quiet' or 'shy' and throughout the years the number one thing people have told me about how I am on mission trips is 'calm'. I am not quick to anger, and when something goes wrong I do not over-react or panic. (Maybe I am just really good at masking my emotion :)). But regardless my skills as a leader have never really been that great, or recognized, and in particular no one would ever consider me to have great maternal instincts. Two years ago if you had asked me what I thought about humans under the age of 12 I would have told you infants and toddlers were terrifying, preschoolers and 5 and 6 year olds didn't like me, and 7 to 12 year olds were just plain annoying! But during the past year and a half I have spent a lot more time with children, and I am most certainly warming up to them.
On our last night in Haiti we were all having a discussion, and Juliet posed the question; "If you could sum up the week in only a few words, what would they be?" And without hesitation I instantly thought of the word 'motherly'.
This is my 5th trip to Haiti, and on all of my other trips, my focus has been around learning the language, and getting to know the older kids because a) we could communicate a little better, and b) I hadn't really found children to be extremely interesting or entertaining. But on my 5th trip I found my self capable of carrying on a conversation in Creole, and even being able to understand some of the church sermon, songs being sung, and casual conversations going on around me. I was called upon to interpret for those who could not communicate, and I was able to understand what a little child wanted when they came up to me, grabbed my hand, looked at me with their big brown eyes, and asked something of me.
All of the high school age and young adults that I have come to know as my friends were extremely busy while we were there preparing for exams, or simply just having a life that didn't leave much time for the Blan that wanted to sit down and chat. So I was (happily) forced to turn all of my love and attention on the younger children- mostly who were not orphans at all, but the neighborhood kids who came for their daily meal, and our not-so-put-together Vacation Bible School. There were a few children in particular that I got to spend a lot of time with.
I should first mention my favorite kid at the Bon Berger (Good Shepherd) Andyson. Yes he is my favorite, and I pretty much give him anything he asks for, whether it be my camera, or candy. But I can't help it, from the moment we first hugged 2.5 years ago we have been close. If I could bring him home and give him everything I ever got as a child I would. If I could hug him every day, and remind him how much he is loved I would. But the orphanage is his home, and it is the best place for him, so I will have to keep coming back again and again to get hugs from him.
On Monday afternoon, after a morning of sanding concrete in the school Cafeteria I was sitting on a bench kind of zoning out waiting for VBS to start and a little boy and girl sat down next to me. There names were Titi (teetee) and Ginny, and they were brother and sister. Titi, the older brother grabbed my hand smiled at me with his big beautiful white teeth and said to me "Chante" (Sing). Now I am not very good at being put on the spot so I said to him "ou chante pou mwen" (you sing for me) and he began to sing in Creole 'Come Now is the Time to Worship'. A song that I know they had taught at the first VBS the UK group did 3 years ago! It was so beautiful to hear him sing it, I wished I could have sung it with them.
Sitting on that bench with us was also a small little boy with corn rows, and the whitest perfect little smile I have ever seen, and that is when I fell in love, and the little boy followed me around for a good deal of the week wanting me to swing him around by the arms, and pick him up. Unfortunately I don't know his name, because every time he told me it, he said it with such a high pitched little voice, and thick creole accent I couldn't understand him.
Now I am not saying my 'biological clock' is ticking or anything like that - the thought of having to grow one of those tiny little humans inside of me is still rather frightening for me, but being there, and being able to show these children love and care that I know they deserve is something I haven't really had much experience with before.
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